2023 was absolutely crazy. My life has been in a state of constant change since 2019 and last year proved to be no different. I feel pretty comfortable saying it was probably the second most difficult year that I’ve ever had.
I’ve never written a year in review, but Jacqui and I started discussing it several weeks ago, knowing that there wasn’t a chance of it being done while the kids were home on break. However, I knew it was something that I wanted to take a stab at.
What better way to do it than to use the high/low format that we use every night at our dinner table? We take turns sharing one high and one low that occurred during our day. I think an expanded version of that would be more than appropriate here.
So without an even further delay here’s my first-ever year in review.
Low Points
Starting with a Bang
Jacqui and I started the year with 21 days of fasting and prayer with our church. We were praying about something very specific regarding said church. However, that wouldn’t matter by the end of the month. Jacqui was terminated at the latter end of January and our time at the church quickly came to a close. (Eventually, I’ll give my thoughts on that whole saga, but Jacqui’s post taps into some of her experiences with church hurt.) Here comes one more major change. Not only did she lose her job, but she lost the group of people that she had come to call family over the last several years.
This affected our budget in a major way, without any warning, but worse than that, Jacqui took a huge emotional hit. My wife is a relational person to the max, and she pours everything she has into her relationships. As a result, she was wrecked in the aftermath of that event. Her life was largely built around that community and it all disappeared in a snap. As a fixer by nature, it was extremely difficult to watch her go through the grieving process without having a task that would make it all better.
While it would have been easy to take a break from the whole church scene after that disaster, we wanted our kids to know that worshipping with other believers is a big deal. Together, we embarked on searching for a new church home. Spoiler Alert: This might turn into a high a bit later.
Budget Problems
As the year progressed, finances obviously started to be strained and that set the stage for a familiar battleground. I’ve always been hard on myself. I’ve set unreasonable personal expectations for as long as I can remember. When our savings started disappearing so did my confidence in my ability to provide for my family. However, Jacqui and I thought it was for the best that she take some time to work through some of her trauma and experiences that have been piling up over the years. We were going to trust God to take care of us during that season.
I’ve always been my harshest critic. I had high expectations placed on me as a child and lofty expectations became part of my personal outlook. So this situation did not bode well for my inner dialogue. I questioned why I went to school for ministry when I hadn’t done that vocationally in years. My opportunities are hampered by my lack of a “legitimate” degree. I was constantly exploring various side hustles to help make up the difference in the budget. Obviously, some God-sized questions came up as they usually do in situations like this, but the primary question was “What are you going to do about it? Do more. Be better. It’s not enough. You’re the provider.”
As you’ll see a bit later, God was working the entire time, but I had to wrestle with trust and identity issues during much of 2023. All the while he was chiseling away on me.
The Fall
In July, we had our most frightening moment of the year. We had put the girls to bed. Jacqui and I were talking in the kitchen. We heard lots of giggling in the girls’ room as we usually do. By all accounts, it was a standard evening in the Alsbrook house.
Minutes later, we heard a thud and the giggling stopped. I took off down the hall to find Jaelle lying on the floor groaning in pain. I lifted her up to find blood running down her face. She seemed to be in a daze. She couldn’t tell me what happened. Anaiah filled us in as I carried Jaelle into the bathroom to get her cleaned up. She was hanging over the guard rail of the top bunk playing with Anaiah and lost her grip. From what we can tell, she was unable to get her hands up in time to stop the fall. She landed directly on her face.
Since she couldn’t keep herself upright, I placed her in the bathtub where she had somewhere to lean. As I started wiping the blood from my little girl’s face I realized the swelling was coming in pretty fast and it was creeping around her left eye. Meanwhile, Jaelle asked Jacqui and me what happened between groans of pain. Within a couple of minutes, I told Jacqui that we needed to take her to the ER. I was fairly certain she had a broken nose and was probably concussed.
We all hopped into the car and took off. In the ER waiting room, she asked me several times if she was going to die while I was holding her in my arms. We assured her that wasn’t the case and the doctors would take great care of her. At this point, she really couldn’t see out of that swollen left eye, but I assumed the swelling was coming from a broken nose. Things were about to get a lot more complicated.
Once she was admitted, they ran all kinds of tests on her including a CT scan. The nurse assured us the results would come back in an hour or so. Over an hour passed and we got nothing. One of the nurses said that’s usually a good sign. If it were serious we would have been told by now.
I believe everyone was starting to feel optimistic at this point, but a new nurse walked through the door and changed all of that. She started telling us that the transport would arrive shortly. The nurse choked up as she talked about a similar incident occurring with her child in the past. She told us that the best thing we could do was support Jaelle, love her, and accept all the help that Arnold Palmer was going to offer. At this point, we were very confused. Why is a transport coming, and why are you acting like our daughter is going to need all this extra help?
Shocked, the nurse realized that she had paid us a visit before the doctor. She couldn’t tell us anything more about the why at this point. I remember Jacqui gripped my hand so hard. She’s such a strong woman and mother, but the severity of the situation hit her like a freight train. The doctor finally showed up and gave us the report. Jaelle’s CT scan showed that she had fractures around both eyes, but the left eye was the most concerning. It looks like the fractures were causing pressure to be put on the optic nerve and her eye was in danger as a result. They were worried about the trauma to her brain as well, but the eye had to be addressed immediately. They weren’t equipped for that, hence the transport to Arnold Palmer. We were told a surgeon should be on standby once we arrived.
At this point, Jacqui and I made the decision that it would be best for me to take Anaiah home before the transport team showed up. We were concerned that the situation might traumatize her. I left the hospital with Anaiah in my arms thinking that Jaelle was potentially going to lose her eyesight or worse. I put Anaiah to bed and started scrubbing the blood out of the carpet while she was sleeping. I was worried she would freak out if she woke up and realized there was blood everywhere. I remember crying and asking God over and over to protect our little girl. “Please do a miracle here.”
I hopped on Facebook to ask anyone awake to start praying for Jaelle. At this point, the transport had arrived. Jaelle was on her way to Orlando. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. There wasn’t anything I could do beyond begging for that miracle.
In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. Psalm 18:6
Highlights
Our Miracle Morning
I can only assume that God was hearing a chorus of people speaking Jaelle’s name early that morning because he chose to heal my daughter on that drive to Orlando. When she left she couldn’t see out of one eye, was stuck in a daze, and had a surgeon waiting for her arrival. By the time she made it to the hospital, her vision had returned. Her personality began to resurface, and after a few more tests, the doctors determined that she wasn’t going to need surgery after all. She ended up coming home later that day.
So we went from some of the worst possible scenarios to the very best outcome within the span of a 45-minute drive to Orlando. Some might chalk this up to coincidence, but I don’t believe that friends and family were startled awake that night to see my message on Facebook by coincidence. I don’t believe that coincidence restored my daughter’s eyesight. And I certainly don’t believe that it was a coincidence that she walked away from that fall with zero long-term consequences. God was at work, and my family was the beneficiary.
And you will say in that day: “Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted.” – Isaiah 12:4
Finding a New Fold
After our experience in January, we started the hunt for a new church. I started watching all kinds of services on YouTube from churches in our area to get a feel for how things are done before I even set foot in their door. After what we went through, I was going to have a truckload of questions for wherever we chose to go next. To be honest, I was a little too passive about where we attended since Jacqui was employed there, but I made up my mind that would not happen again.
The first major roadblock was finding a church that actually preached the Word expositionally. Topical preaching has become the norm, and I don’t necessarily mind topical sermons or series. However, I didn’t want to take my family to a church where the vibe of the worship service was simply a bunch of music with a short Bible Ted Talk sandwiched in the middle. I found a few churches where the preaching was solid based on their YouTube channels, but we didn’t have peace about them. We ended up visiting a church that Jacqui attended before I even knew her. She served on the worship team there in the past and knew a lot of the people in the congregation. To be honest, none of that mattered to me. I was going to go in highly suspicious with my bag of questions.
I had watched some services online and felt pretty good about the way the Bible was taught, but as a former pastor, I needed to have conversations with their staff. Surprisingly, nearly every pastor on staff actually wanted to meet with me or my family and chat. All of them were very gracious in answering my questions. I asked about doctrine, leadership structure, and how they would respond to various situations. It felt like I was putting them through a gauntlet. Jacqui loved the church and the people, and after my conversations, I started to feel more at ease with the thought of attending long-term.
Do I think we’ve found the perfect church? Nope. It doesn’t exist.
Have I found a church where I agree with every little thing the pastors say or believe on secondary issues? That’s a negative.
Have we found a church where the Gospel is preached, and imperfect people attempt to be like Jesus a little more every day? I believe we have.
Jacqui is now serving on the stage with people that she loves and respects dearly, and we are hearing the Word taught weekly. My kids have made all kinds of new friends and love attending. As a former pastor, I’m excited to be in a place where the Bible is handled well, and from what I can see, the people are too.
A Better Provider
When Jacqui unexpectedly lost her job we looked at our budget and savings. We estimated that we would have 3 to 4 months for her to heal and grow her business before the savings would run dry. As the months passed, the financial bleeding somehow wasn’t as severe as expected. We cut our spending where we could, but there was very little wiggle room in the budget outside of the grocery bills. During this time, I was experiencing that crisis of identity that I mentioned earlier. I wanted to better provide for my family without sacrificing all of my time with them. However, the right opportunity seemed to elude me.
In the summer we went to visit my family back in North Carolina. I was asked if I would preach at my dad’s church the Sunday we were in town. This is the church that I served at for 10 years so I was more than happy to fill in. Jacqui was also asked to lead worship for that service as well.
I spoke from Matthew 14 that Sunday and there were maybe 40 people in attendance. After the service, they took up a love offering for our family. When we were given the total, our jaws hit the floor. That little church gave us a gift that nearly made up for all of the income we had lost to that point in the year. Despite our best strivings we haven’t been able to make up the difference, but God did it through a small church full of big hearts.
In an instant, he relieved the financial pressure we had been feeling. But God wasn’t done yet.
As the year progressed, my best friend, Thomas, came to Orlando on a business trip. We met for lunch and had a great conversation about goals and dreams. We ended up on the topic of giving somehow. I don’t remember the exact words that he shared, but I do remember walking away from that conversation feeling challenged to give more, even though we were still bleeding out money. Throughout the entire year, I had been giving, but I really felt the Holy Spirit challenge me to step it up and trust him, despite what the numbers say.
I had a conversation with my wife when I got home, and we made the change. Within a month, I had a talk with my boss at work about a new opportunity. This opportunity would be coming with a raise, and I’m currently working through the progression necessary for that role.
On top of that, the timing of my Christmas bonus was perfect given the rate we were bleeding out. So God has provided for us through anonymous gifts, well-timed bonuses, and unexpected opportunities at my job.
While I do have a responsibility to care for my family, God has reminded me throughout this year that he is the true Provider. While the man in the mirror works and worries, God is doing what I can’t. He’s meeting our needs one day at a time.
Are we still bleeding out money? Yes, but the same God that provided for us in 2023 is still with us in 2024. And he doesn’t change.
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19
Conclusion
This was just a sample of some of the things that we experienced last year. There was plenty more that wasn’t shared here, but one thread remains consistent throughout. The difficulties that happened to my family have only served as opportunities for God to show up in incredible ways. The grace we’ve experienced over the last year has been indescribable. This post doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface, but consider this my feeble attempt to acknowledge and glorify the King of Kings. I’ve truly been blessed to experience the works of his mighty hands.
Thank you for sharing your testimony! I could relate to a few emotions and circumstances you mentioned. I found Him to be faithful in every circumstance I surrendered to Him—just as you did.
Beautifully written from the heart.
God bless you, Jacqui, and your sweet family!